Smile: Everything looks better with a mustache. On our walk Haddie and I could only manage to find things that needed a little "something" extra. That "something"- a mustache, and we were thankful for the "Mustache Me App", awkward women gnomes, graffiti, faces on trees, and other yard figurines. Mustaches make me laugh.

Gratitude: Learned Laughter

That friend who rolls on the floor laughing, a grandmother who giggles in any situation, a laugh so hard you slap your knee and struggle to breathe, laughs that turn to snorts and hurt abs, a babies deep bellied full laugh- these are a good medicine. Joy is one of the most dangerous weapons in the kingdom of God. 

I feel like in almost every hard moment there is the chance to become anxious, sad, angry or ( insert your own emotion) and then looming on the other side is laughter.  I picture him as that annoying "Mr.Tickle" that I have read a million and one times with Adrian. Peeking from behind a door, or under a table, watching, and waiting. Waiting to see if you will choose Joy- Joy in all circumstances. It is a rare person who will- I am blessed to know several of them. People who in the midst of hardship see "Mr. Tickle" and take him up on his offer to laugh rather than be pulled into the down spiral of a fallen world. Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying to deny what you are really feeling and laugh, but what if instead of letting our emotions rule us, we put them in their place and decided to laugh?

Think of a time you've been irritated this week, got in a fight with a friend, roommate or spouse. Think about the time the kids made a huge mess; What was your response? What if it had been laughter? What if you had not let it phase you and took the higher road of Joy? How would that day have been different? How would today be different? What if we took off the white gloves of control and expectation in a broken messy world, and dug our hands into the mud laughing?

Hear me out, I said "I know several of these people." I did not claim to be one of them, but I sure want to learn how. Learn. Paul speaks of learning to be content in all circumstances in chapter four of Philippians. The greek word for learn here is:

Manqano: to increase one's knowledge, be appraised, to hear, to be informed, to learn by use and practice, to be in the habit of, accustomed to.

Philippians 4:11-12 

" I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or with little."

In "One thousand gifts" Voskamp writes about this learned Joy. Paul says it twice, it must be important; This secret Paul discovered. In the verses preceding, Paul says:

Phil 4: 4-7  

" Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say Rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." 

Paul says, REJOICE always, be anxious for NOTHING, and in EVERYTHING, with THANKSGIVING give it to the Lord and His PEACE will be yours. If I am taking the Bible at it's word- no wiggling to make it more comfortable or give myself excuses, this sounds pretty explicit. I have the choice to offer thanksgiving when I could become anxious. I have the choice to receive his peace in every situation. 

I have the CHOICE to Laugh. It is learned. I must train to make it a habit. To let go of the reins, and even just laugh at the thought that I was Lord of my life. "Here you go God, you're right, you'd take much better care of this situation than I would, and I'm sorry for thinking it was too big for you. Ha! Everything is finite compared to your infinite glory."

Philippians 4:13 

" I can do all things through Him who strengthens me." 

Verse 13 is one of the most quoted and over used verses in Scripture. We tattoo it on our bodies, and tag it on our emails, but do we actually use it. Have we gotten the secret Paul was talking about and put it to practice to learn to use it? 

       I can't will myself to be joyful when being provoked. I can't will myself to serve my roommate when they drive me crazy and I have to pick up after them. I can't will myself to smile at the person who just cut me off in traffic. I can't will myself to love all the "flaws" I am seeing in my spouse. I cannot will myself to have peace with children screaming and running all over the place. That's the point. I can't, but He can. 

I can call on Him and thank Him for the family I have and the opportunity to love them. I can thank him for being able to live with a friend and turn on my favorite music and dance and laugh while I clean up the apartment to serve them. I can thank him for not being in a hurry when someone else is this morning, and bless instead of curse them through him. I can thank him that He loves me in all my brokenness and imperfections and I can love my spouse (in the future) because of that. And in the chaos I can thank him for the spirit alive in my kids (again future-or shout out to my nannies!) and the opportunity to scream at the top of my lungs and play with them embracing the child like that He calls me to. Embracing the Joy. Training myself in the spirit of Thanksgiving, and simply Laugh.

The best things in life are free, but not easy. Let's practice the art of being Joyful in all circumstances, because honestly, wouldn't you rather Laugh? This is a skill that will serve us the rest of our lives.

Gratitude: Is Everything meaningless or a Gift?

"Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."

Sarah Ban Breathnach

God speaks to me when I run with him, when I walk, when I get away and clear space for him to speak. When I step out of the chaos so to speak. This week I have been having Solomon's same pondering of life. What's the meaning? Are we just here and die, and that's it? Does anything I do matter, make a dent or difference. I've been struggling to get motivated and to finish anything. My life looks like piles of unfinished projects and dreams never dug into and accomplished, and I'm tired of it. I started talking to Haddie, the 3 month old little girl I am nannying, and my thoughts went back to hopelessness of the tasks ahead, and questions I don't have the answers to: (not necessarily in this order..) 

• Fundraising for G-42 or staying in Portland to work and go to school? 
• How do I know for certain I am in God's will when so many options seem plausible?
• Starting a non-profit 
• Making a difference in the lives of children in india, the middle east and around the world 
• How do you know when he's "the one"- is there just one, or several and we just choose?
• Is everything meaningless or does everything carry great significance?
• How can I ever live a life worthy or Christ's death?

There were more, my spirit was heavy. Why can I not seem to get out of this funk? As I babbled on, Haddie looked up at me and started to coo. Then she was giggling, then she snorted, and laughed deep in a way that jerked her whole body and her mouth spread open cheek to cheek. I couldn't help but smile and laugh as well. This. This simple laughing, a baby's smile, and the joy they bring; this is what it is to live. Well- a piece of it. I get the good pleasure of being alive, and enjoying the simple beauties all around me that point to my creator. 

As I drove home that evening I kept getting distracted by Portland- It was hard to focus on the road. Look at all of this around me. This city is beautiful, the buildings, the bridges, the churches and the  businesses. What if the architects only drew the first half of the buildings, the builders grew bored of the labor the bridge took, and left it be. I looked to my left, and Mount Hood was completely visible and the doubts and questions calmed. What if God decided, "Nah, I'll finish creation later.." Would these glorious mountains be here, would I be here. I'm thankful for the follow through-ers, the dreamers who turn them into realities, the architects, the builders, the churches in it for the long haul, the non-profits fighting for kids in sex trafficking, and children without a home. I am thankful that they didn't listen to the voice saying it was all meaningless. I'm thankful God finished, and he said, " It is good." I'm thankful he takes delight in me, and that I can take delight in His beautiful creation and see that he does not leave things half finished, and neither should I. 

This weekend is Easter, and I am reminded that Jesus was born a man, lived, taught and brought kingdom, was tortured and crucified for me until it was finished. And on the third day we could rejoice that after being a dead corpse Jesus rose from the dead and death was defeated. It was truly finished! Death now holds no power, Jesus has the power and he is able to bring any dead thing to life, any pain to joy, any dream to a reality and give meaning to a wandering life. 

I may not know all the answers to my pondering, but I do know that my life is a gift, however long or short, and I want to live it to the fullest for the next year or fifty. I am wasting it questioning the meaning of everything instead of living in the blessing of everything around me, and all that Christ died to accomplish and invite me into. So I will take Anne VosKamp at her challenge and declare thankfulness for the glimpses of truth and life that surround me everyday. Can I list a thousand gifts? I think it is perfectly put that, " thanks is what multiplies the joy and makes any life large, and I hunger for it." * I do hunger for it, a life overflowing with joy, lived for every moment and thankful for the next. Do you?

This is Haddie! 

SMILE! 

* from One thousand Gifts by: Ann VosKamp

"The who leads to the do" 

I am a "doer." I have constant "to-do" lists running through my mind, on scraps of paper, and now on my phone with cute little check boxes. I have to constantly fight against a works faith of earning God's grace; "Martha-Syndrome" some might call it. (Luke 10:38-42)

Anyone who knows me well, knows I love to make plans, and then change my mind, and then change it again, and then maybe one more time for good measure. What can I say, I just get excited at the immense amount of possibilities. Making the commitment to go on The World Race was a big deal for me, because I was saying I would be there without changing my mind for 11 months. I am more of the month to month lease type, I have always thought making plans is stifling the spirit. 

As I have grown in my walk with the Lord I thought I was being more open to the spirit, by not making commitments, so at any moment I could pick up and go where he was calling me. But what God has shown me is that's not for him, but for fear I have done that. I have had a fear of commitments, a fear of discipline, a fear of doing something meaningless, and a fear of "what if I can't...?" Misty Edwards spoke at the One Thing conference in Kansas City for New Years Eve weekend, and what she spoke on was the fear of Running Aimlessly. Her words resonated in my heart. I could relate to her pacing back and forth in her house, outside, and constantly in her mind- the questions:

 What will I do with my life? What will I become? What will I achieve?

WHAT?

WHAT? 

WHAT?

God started whispering to me through her message there, and gave me the answer I was looking for the next week at the Search Light conference put on by Adventures in Missions Jan 6-12^th in Gainesville, GA.  "The who leads to the do" is a summation of what God spoke to me. One of the speakers at the conference gave a word on "My people perish without vision."(Proverbs 29:18) I will never be the same. He asked instead of worrying about what the next step is, and planning out our entire life, to ask the questions who will we become? Who will people know us as? Knowing God's vision for us is a life or death matter, he says,"the people perish without it." 

I've written out a couple times who the Lord says I am, but I didn't look at it as my life vision. To become that person, and let the Lord dictate the way. He went on to say if you were to die today, what would those closest to you, in the work place, and passerby's say of you? Would what they said line up with the person God created you to be? If not, how can we get there?

Furthermore, What are the dreams he has put inside of you, the passions and desires? 

When someone meets you for 30 seconds, or has known you for years can they see certain things in your character? Do you have characteristics that you want people to take away from your life whenever they encounter you? That no matter who you meet they leave saying " so and so is: joyful, full of faith, and compassionate..etc." And so I pondered, what is it that people see in me?

God is all about relationship, Jesus came and showed us God the Father wanted obedience, not sacrifice. That the Father wanted our hearts, not just outward displays. Now don't get me wrong, faith without works is dead ( James 2:17), but in order to Fish we have to first follow (Luke 5) . SO I sat down with God and asked him those questions above about myself. I asked him what he was trying to teach me now, and to have vision for who he wanted me to be.

In the weeks before this, and even the lasts several months on the race, I had not had clarity about what my next step was. Suddenly, when I wasn't asking my "thing, or place" is when God gave me the next step. 

This is what I wrote that day: I was created to mother the motherless, to remind those robbed of their identity who they are, and who they were created to be. I was created to create, to bring Joy, to go to the hardest and darkest places and bring life, to restore the Joy of the Lord with music, dancing, painting and cooking- to make a space where children can be children before the Lord, and be risen up into strong men and women of God. I was created to serve, and to speak, and to call people to work alongside me. I was created to be a mover, a shaker, a pioneer, a teacher, a jack of all trades. I was created to always see the glass not half full, or half empty, but over flowing. I was not made to worry, fear, but instead given a spirit that walks in love, courage, and self-discipline. 

I prayed some more, and again wrote down India, the middle east, street kids, orphans, discipleship, David heart, let the redeemed of the Lord say so, house of dreams, hope..

Then the Lord asked me, "What is it that you want to do Rachael?" If I could choose, what would I do to bring Kingdom? 

I would go and be discipled by someone with a heart like David's-passionate and sold out for the Lord. I would intern with a non-profit, and work with or open a home for street kids in India where they were given counseling, rehabilitation, schooling, and allowed to just be kids. To learn to create through cooking, writing, painting, singing, dancing, drawing, and any other art form. I would be there to be a mother for them and train them up in the ways of the Lord, believing the Lord would capture their heart and use them in mighty ways throughout India, and the middle east. 

I'd also want to do something in the states, to be someone who goes back and forth, because I want to see the American church woken up as well. 

Later that evening Andrew Shearman spoke, and forgive me for quoting "stuff Christian girls say", but I saw a David spirit in him. I saw a man passionate about the Lord, about revival, and about discipling a generation to go out and bring Kingdom. I looked at Erin and said, "E, this could be it.." She just looked at me, like she does when I get one of my ideas, and rolled her eyes. "Oh, Lord, here we go." she said. 

After he spoke I went and talked to him some more about G42 the discipleship school he runs in Mijas, Spain. I went home and prayed about it, slept on it, and had a dream about a little girl from India, telling me I was the one she had been waiting for. I know it sounds crazy, but our God is a crazy radical one, and he is always speaking! I went to the conference in the morning, and again as Andrew Shearman spoke I heard, " this is the one." I was unsure what "track" I would even apply for in the school, and Andrew encouraged me to look up the mentors. 

The program I was leaning toward was non profits, and when I clicked on the mentor for that track this is the first thing that popped up:

~RESCUE STREET KIDS IN INDIA~

I started crying. No way. As I read on I realized this is exactly where I am supposed to be. The man who spearheads Light Force and would be my mentor, is George Ridley. They just bought property for Light Force in India, and will be partnering with Sunitha in Andhra Pradesh. You can read more about the vision here:

http://www.lightforce.org.uk/india/home-of-faith/

I applied that night for the generation 42 discipleship program, and have not looked back since. There have been many other opportunities available, that the old me would have jumped at in a second, but I have such a peace and confirmation in my heart that this is where God is calling me. This is a season of preparation and mentoring. A couple of weeks ago I received my acceptance letter, and God has continued to give more vision and open door after door. It has blown me away. To find out more about G42 discipleship school visit:

http://www.g42leadershipacademy.org/

I am currently in Raleigh, NC until March 6^th. Tomorrow I will be going to hear Heidi Baker speak at Catch the Fire Ministries. It is incredible how God has brought us both here at the same time. I have heard about her so much this year, had multiple people prophesy that her and I are connected somehow, listened to her preach, read testimonies of the ministry God has entrusted her and her husband Roland with, Iris Ministries, and I am anxious to finally meet her.

I leave for Spain on a one way ticket the first week of July. The school is for 6 months, and I will hopefully be working/interning with Light Force in India for I am not sure how long afterwards. In the meantime I will be in Portland, Oregon working, and support raising. The cost of the discipleship school is $6,300, and my support goal is $8,000 to also help cover airfare, health insurance, and other expenses that are not included in tuition. 

Thank you all so much for continuing to follow my journey. Thank you for those of you who supported me on the race in prayer, reading my blogs, and financially. The opportunity to go on the World Race that you helped make a reality has changed my life, and my walk with the Lord. Every testimony I have is also yours, and I hope you continue to invest in me and those the Lord is calling me to. I can never go back to who I was now that my eyes have been opened. 

"I won't be satisfied until the earth looks just like heaven."

"O Eternal One, it would be easier for me to pray 

if I were clear

And of a single mind, and a pure heart; 

If I could be done hiding from myself

And from you, even in my prayers. 

But I am who I am, 

Mixture of motives and excuses,

Blur of memories, 

Quiver of hopes, 

Knot of fear, 

Tangle of Confusion, and restless with Love, 

For Love.

I wander somewhere between

Gratitude and grievance, 

Wonder and routine, 

High resolve, and undone dreams, 

Generous impulses, and unpaid bills.

Come, find me, Lord. 

Be with me exactly as I am. Help me find me, Lord.

Help me accept what I am, so I can begin to be yours.

Make of me something small enough to snuggle, 

Young enough to question, 

Simple enough to giggle, 

Old enough to forget, 

Foolish enough to act for peace; 

Skeptical enough to doubt

The sufficiency of anything, but you, 

And attentive enough to listen

As you call me out of the tomb of my timidity

Into the chancy glory of my possibilities

And the power of your presence."

This is from a prayer book, called " Guerrillas of Grace, Prayers For The Battle" by Ted Loder. He says: 

" For at last I believe life itself is a prayer, and the prayers we say shape the lives we live, just as the lives we live shape the prayers we say; and it all shapes the kingdom which expresses itself in and among us, and for which we are guerrillas. I hope these prayers help you to take some new territory, to liberate imaginatively some part of your life, my sister and brother guerrillas. " ..thy kingdom come.."

One of the things God revealed when I went on the world race was that he moved, because I was asking him to. For years I had been content with my complacent life. Content without praying bold prayers, and by striving to do things on my own strength. I had been settling for less, praying weak prayers, and for the most part dishonest and selfish ones. I look back on the past year in awe of some of the things I dared to pray: to interpret tongues, and foreign languages, for the dead to be raised, for rain to come, and rain to cease. I prayed for not the saving of one child, but every child from the streets and sex trafficking- children I was unaware of before, and that I cannot get out of my mind now. I prayed more often for others than myself, and when I did pray for myself it was so that I could be different to help others. 

Lately, most of my prayers, most of my focus has become selfish. In a beautiful season of preparation and expectancy, I have become consumed by my hopes and desires for things that God has said, "it's not time." I have let my focus sit on myself, stuck in confusion, and waiting for specific answers instead of being attentive to what God is speaking now. I have gone from asking God what he has for today, back to treating him like a fortune teller. Now, it's not in every moment, but selfishness is consuming, and it creeps into even the purest of my thoughts. I came home yesterday heavy, for reasons I could't pin except for that I am a spoiled child- and thankfully I do not always get my way. I sat down with God to ask why   am I not hearing you, and what came to mind was fog. 

Fog is blocking my clarity. It's been blocking my joy, my being present, my pressing into my creator to know him more intimately everyday, being used to speak life to others, and fight for them in prayer. Fog has set in, because of my distraction- and as fog does it has hidden the beautiful city beneath it. God is doing breath takingly beautiful things in my life now. He is weaving an adventure I never would have dreamed of before, and I am missing it, because of fog. If only my mind were clear, I could pray. 

So Lord, clear my mind of this Fog that I could be focused on you, on your kingdom, present in the place you have me, here with the people I am blessed to know, and free to receive your love instead of desiring another. I'm tired of my selfishness and "grass is greener, never the right timing mindset", because it's false. Now is the perfect time for now. Now is an amazing season, one that won't happen again and I want to be present for all of it. To see heaven invading earth, and beautiful cities being built out of ashes in places and in people; and in my own heart. Lift the Fog Lord. I'm ready to get to the praising instead of the wallowing and weariness. I'm ready for the joy and the dancing that come from intimacy with you. Separation is unbearable. Slow the busyness of my mind, and my body. Put my Martha spirit of anxiety and what if to rest. I want to just sit at your feet. Amen.

Are your prayers focused on bringing the kingdom? How are they shaping your life, and changing the lives of others? Let us not be the watchmen who fall asleep, but stay up day and night on the walls until there is revival, beauty and a new jerusalem.